Ma’am: Three ways to fight back

You must have at one time or the other suspected your husband was having an affair. No big deal, most married men do.

The occasional fling to relieve their youth or assure them that the strands of gray hair on their temples have not affected them ‘downstairs’. As long as they always come back, what’s a roving eye between husband and wife?

The deal becomes big when the affair graduates from being an occasional fling. When your husband goes a step further from the late nights to spending nights, weekends outside the matrimonial home, you can’t help but worry.

When he stops telling you where he is going or where he’s coming from, you should worry.

So what do you do when you find out your husband is going steady with another woman. Maybe when he has gone as far as renting and furnishing an apartment for her.

Do you burst an artery and end up in a wheelchair? Would you scream, tear your hair and threaten to send hired killers after her and your shameless husband? Would you accept defeat and pack out?

Is there really a cut-and-dried acceptable way to react to the threat of the other woman? All these questions chased one another round my brain when I heard how some women handled such situations.

Actually, the first instance is the one that really started this topic. The woman, let’s call her Mama Tee, had found out that her husband, had rented and furnished a mini-flat in Isolo area of Lagos State for his girlfriend, Bimpe.

That Monday, the randy husband had spent the night at his girlfriend’s place. The following morning, still in his bathrobe, the secret lovers received an August visitor.

No introductions were needed. Mama Tee pounced on Bimpe dealing severe blows on the surprised lady. When the latter saw that madam was ready to send her to the great beyond, she fought back.

At the end of the battle, Mama Tee was stripped naked by Bimpe while Oga Lover Boy roared that his wife should not return to their matrimonial home. That was one woman’s way of defending her territory and she got thoroughly beaten and disgraced for it. I think she had it coming too.

How can any woman descend that low, and for a man’s sake? What if she suffered a mortal blow like ruptured spleen or spinal cord injury?

She could have died, you know. And what would have become of the territory she so desperately wanted to protect? To physically attack your husband’s mistress is a totally foolish thing to do.

It’s very demeaning and I tell you, no man is worth that trouble. He’d either do a cowardly disappearing act or issue a decree banning you from your matrimonial home.

As I was busy castigating this hot woman, one of my friends told me of another tactic used by another woman on detecting that her husband has a mistress. She was angry and ready to do anything to stop the affair.

She sent thugs after the girl. They gave her a thorough beating, dragged her out of her car and burnt it to ashes.

The snag in that tactic is that, it may endear your husband more to his mistress, especially if you had earlier threatened to deal with the other woman. You could still lose out or end up in police cell if the thugs squeal on you.

One woman decided to cut her losses. As far as she knew, antagonizing her husband’s mistress was not the solution especially because the other woman was older and richer than her. She warned her way into the mistress’ favour. “What’s my own?

She was ‘spending’ my husband, so why can’t I spend her money?

At first, my husband was wary; afraid I was up to mischief but he soon found out I had no time for lost battles.

The woman was too old to have babies for my husband and she was loaded, always jetting around the globe. At the end, she helped me expand my business and one of my children is studying abroad on her bill.”

It wasn’t easy taking a step like that but what the hell; you might as well make the best of a bad situation. If your husband is on loan, make the best of it. Readers’ rejoinders are welcome. Signs of an abusive relationship Possessiveness:

• Checking on you all the time to see where you are, what you’re doing and who you’re with.

• Trying to control where you go and who you can see and getting angry if you don’t do what they say. Jealousy:

• Accusing you without good reason of being unfaithful or flirting.

• Isolating you from family and friends, often by rude behaviour.

Put downs:

• Putting you down, either publicly or privately, by attacking your intelligence, looks, mental health or capabilities.

• Constantly comparing you unfavourably with others.

• Blaming you for all the problems in the relationship, and for the times they are out of control or violent.


• Yelling, sulking and deliberately breaking things that you value.

• Threatening to use violence against you, your family, friends or even a pet.

• Saying things like ‘no one else will want you’.

Physical and sexual violence:

• Pushing, shoving, hitting, grabbing, making you have sex or do things you don’t want to do

• Harming you, your pets or your family members.

• Courtesy



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