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Dead-end Affairs

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Dead-end Affairs

Not all relationships would lead to the altar; some women admit that harsh fact while many really think they have the magic wand to make even obviously bad affairs lead to marriage. Of course, either party could go into the relationship for fun but even when both the man and woman go into the relationship with their eyes on the altar, things still fall apart. Not all affairs can end happily ever after.

However, more and more women are pushing their luck nursing bad relationships, patching up bad affairs and hoping things would get better. It is a virtue to be patient and persevering.

A good woman and wife-material should not panic at the first sign of trouble. She should do her best to mend fences and keep peace but a girl who steals her father’s land documents to send her boyfriend abroad and hoping foolishly that he will come back for her, is an all-time idiot.

There are virtues better displayed within the confines of marriage. If a woman is sticking to her husband, the father of her children because she doesn’t want to be seen as a fair-weather bride, fine.

Her chances of getting a better man than her husband, probably after four children, are slim anyway. She might as well weigh her chances, cut her losses and make the best of her situation. I believe marriage is for keeps.

But I don’t recommend the same attitude for courtship. A man with a decidedly bad habit will probably never change just because he is wearing a wedding band and you are bearing his name. Chances that his bad habits will worsen are higher than them improving. Of course, there are habits that can be broken over time. Chain-smokers have been known to come clean and hard-drinking men too.

But I don’t see why a sensible girl should stick to a man who not only smokes cigars but also grass and the occasional coke. It will be foolhardy for a sane girl to believe her love will be enough to change her hemp-smoking boyfriend. It may, but what if it doesn’t. The guy can be counted on to be meantempered, unstable and probably irresponsible.

Sure, she can pray for him and counsel him but please she shouldn’t marry him until he has shed his bad habits. Don’t be fooled by his promises. If his parents’ advice didn’t change his mind, why should yours do? But for the sake of what you feel for him, try but don’t hang around for too long.

You might be wasting precious years of your life and in the process get lured into marriage. When relationship is bad, it is bad. Most men love to ‘cut shows’ on the sides even when there is a ‘steady’ in their lives. They do their best to keep the ‘take-aways’ out of sight and whenever they are caught, you can see they are contrite. Fine, that’s the way it should be.

At least, that shows he has some respect for you. It is a different ball game when the man you claim to love doesn’t see why you should be upset when you catch him in the hay with his landlord’s daughter. You should have a rethink if he has no apology or explanation if you stumble on him and his secretary having a quickie in the office.

If he yells at you for trying to monitor his life all because you tell him you saw him coming out of a hotel with his friend’s wife, you’d better watch it. A man who takes you to a party and abandons you with his friends while he goes home with his new catch is no husband material, believe me.

He has all the qualities of a man who will sleep with your maid, friend and maybe throw in your sister for good measure.

Many women convince themselves that once they get installed in his home as ‘Mrs’, they‘ll give him all the sex he needs and he’d never look at another miniskirt. That’s a laughable ambition.

If you insist on marrying Mr. Stud, then you deserve all the heartache coming your way. You love him and see him as the best thing that ever happened to you but he sees you as a punching bag. All the uppercut tricks he has learnt he practices on you and bounces you like a FIFA football. And you think he’ll change if you marry him. You need a psychiatrist. Sometimes, a relationship is obviously one-sided.

The woman is the one who is in love and desperate to marry. I think it is better if it is the man who loves the woman to death.

If He slips smoothly like an eel and gives you excuses why marriage is not easy and you are still there patiently waiting for him to do what you think is right.

Listen, what he wants from that relationship is different from what you want. He must be enjoying certain fringe benefits from you and that’s why he has not given you the boot. Go on; keep persevering until he impregnates somebody else. What do you expect anyway; doesn’t he convince you to get an abortion each time he knocks you up? You are a fool, dearie, a fool in love. Maybe you are 32 or 35 and desperate for marriage.

Perhaps that is why you are taking all that shit from a dead-end relationship.

That is no excuse and you are only cheapening yourself. You have waited this long. Don’t panic, the right man is just round the corner. You‘ll get the best, because that’s just what you deserve. POUNDING THEORY It all started with an argument on a bus in the US. We had gone to eat lunch in a totally Nigerian restaurant and were served poundo yam.

We girls enjoyed it but the guys? No. They wanted real pounded yam, done with mortar and pestle. Bush men in America, those ones. Did we descend on them? Trust me now. But why do men’s lives revolve around pounding?

If they are not pounding a woman in bed, they all want the thoroughly pounded woman to make pounded yam. Na swear? Why can’t they eat simple dishes, not the one that takes a few years off a woman’s life while preparing it? Must they pound us to death? I have been under a lot of pressure to write about this because I threatened to in the first place.

We really must gang up against this new onslaught against womanhood. I know Ijesha and Ekiti men don’t even understand what I’m talking about. Who cares?

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