Reactions to penultimate week’s topic: “Weak Men, Weak Homes” are quite engaging. The comments are from both sexes. Expectedly, female commentators heaped the blames of family porosity and instability on the men who failed to accord deserved priority to their immediate families in order to stay glued to their parents and siblings at the expense of their homes.
Men, some of those who described the article as “hard knocks” accused me of being a feminist. While acknowledging that indeed I painted true pictures of what obtain in several homes, they however argued that women, more often than not, do provoke their spouses to react ungentlemanly sometimes.
Aside some attitudinal weaknesses discussed in the previous article, weak men married to successful career women do exhibit the traits of inferiority complex.
Quite a number of women in top executive cadres in corporate, academic, professional and business worlds have this issue of status disparity to contend with in their marriages.
Such men are easily intimidated by the profiles of their wives. Some of the marriages are either broken or being patched up. It is much bearable for those whose wives got elevated in the marriage.
At least, the couples already have a history of humble beginning unlike those who, like winning a jackpot, either by fate or circumstances find themselves married to women of high profile.
Many Nigerian women are doing well in diverse areas of life. Some of the female topflight corporate executives, political office holders and prosperous business magnates are among those who married for love and family life.
This notion is validated by their choice of spouses which is somewhat lower in status than theirs. As for me, no matter how rich or highly placed a woman is, I count her accomplishments as added values that further enhance her worth and attractiveness to suitors. Successful career women are usually disciplined. One of the ingredients of success is discipline.
Incidentally, most of these women cherish family life despite their tight work schedules and frequent trips. I have no available data to assert this line of thought but my findings show that they cherish their homes as much as their personal dignity.
Supposedly, marital status should insulate them from randy men prowling for sexual escapades with women of substance. There are single moms in this cadre whose circumstances are quite understandable.
Many of the men married to these categories of women often feel dwarfed by their spouses’ towering profiles simply because they are weak. They lack confidence in themselves.
Rather than being proud of his wife and celebrate her great feats, the fear of domineering attitude and acts of insubordination do blur his vision to see an imaginary weird bitch in her.
He usually covers up his sense of insecurity and inferiority complex with muscular strength. He prefers to engage in physical assaults to intimidate his wife, whereas a real man won’t raise a finger, no matter the provocation, against his wife. Any man that resorts to violence at home validates the fact that he is indeed weak. Men’s fears about their rich, successful spouses are many but some are very common. To be honest, all of women’s untoward attitudes are repulsive where they exist.
i. A weak man sees his successful wife as puffy, and who easily slips out of control. She might bruise his ego if she runs her schedules in a way that does not carry him along.
ii.The man lives in perpetual suspicion of his wife indulging in infidelity. This is further reinforced by the brazenness of the woman’s conducts and reactions.
iii. A weak man bothers himself so much with her past. Reason: he believes that not all strings attached to her previous affairs would be completely severed.
iv. A weak man will dwell much on the weaknesses rather than the strengths of his wife; especially her caustic tongue and disparaging utterances in moments of anger or when she’s under pressure.
Frankly, not all women could manage success and stay humble in marriage. Some men can’t withstand the guts of saucy, bossy and boisterous women. Such women are fond of issuing orders and counter-orders at home.
They utter insults, abuses and denigrating remarks at slightest provocation. They often attribute their attainments strictly to hard work, academic excellence or business acumen without acknowledging the grace of God upon their lives. They make their men feel less than normal men.
To these set of women, it’s thumb down. I’m writing about women of dignity whose senses of duty and reasonableness are not beclouded by their status or accomplishments.
To earn and maintain respect, the man should not become a parasite to the resources of his wife. Regardless of how rich or elevated she is, a husband shouldn’t place pecuniary demands on his wife all the time. Always appreciate her support to the family and celebrate her achievements.
Finally, the man should still give to his wife no matter how small. As a family man, please play your roles effectively and confidently. Your strength lies in being responsible and supportive of her progress.
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