At a counseling session recently, a pretty 35-year-old woman lamented how she has been unlucky with getting the right man to marry. She has a good job, looks quite attractive and said she is a chef when it comes to kitchen affairs. “I seem not to understand what is wrong with me.
Virtually all my friends and colleagues at work are married. I have been in a number of relationships but they ended up not working out. Most of the men are just interested in your body and cash, without which they won’t stay the next minute with you,” she bemoaned. Finding out what might be her problem was very easy for me because I have several of her case at hand. I discovered that she was not in want of admirers or suitors, as is the case with some other women.
I also found out that she was a choir member in a very popular Pentecostal church in Lagos. With a body frame men would describe as “sexy”, I wondered what the hell of problem this soft-spoken and decently-dressed woman could have getting a man to marry. Ordinarily, she should be a quick ‘take-away’ in the ‘market’.
Not surprising, though, her problem for staying single has to do with what I call peer influence-induced criteria listed by her for a would-be husband.
This is the situation with many of our marriageable single women, especially those in the corporate and business world. Many single or unmarried women in our society today are victims of their misdirected decisions and selfish prerequisites for marriage.
Apart from the obvious reality of many women waiting or hunting for the few responsible and available men, they seem to think too highly of themselves.
While there are other human or spiritual factors that may account for some decent and responsible women staying single, majority of them suffer from self-inflicted spell of pride, covetousness, and attitudinal bankruptcy.
When the news surfaced in the media last year that our big gal, Linda Ikeji, was in need of a husband as she emotionally crumbled under family and societal pressures, what kind of a man would marry Linda was more of an issue than her just getting married. “I don’t know how many of you single girls are under pressure to get married but I am.
Pressure from family, friends, and people who just can’t mind their business. The pressure is so intense right now I feel like going to husband market – if there is any such thing – to buy myself some breathing space. Give me a break, you people,” she reportedly said. Her need of a husband, which, of course, is her right as well as a part of her being fulfilled as a woman, is basic; and I wish her well in her quest to locate Mr. Right.
But the interest of Men’s World in her affairs and those of other single women is to discuss the reasons they remain unmarried; and to warn that if these are not decisively dealt with, they could very likely be kept single for a long time to come.
They must review their perspectives about men. I read sometimes ago that Linda was quoted to have said that any man coming to ask for her hand in marriage must have up to N500 million in his bank account. In another report, she reportedly insisted the man must be able to feed himself.
Honestly, I couldn’t help but laugh! Anyway, how true these statements were, I wouldn’t know but she hasn’t denied them either.
For me, I think Linda and her ilk are merely paying lip service to the desire for marriage. They surely know what to do if, indeed, they want to settle down into blissful matrimony.
Linda is a role model to a number of young, enterprising youth who watch her steps, study her lifestyle, and most likely imbibe her philosophy and belief-system.
Such younger elements may end up not appreciating the value of family life since their role model is not in marriage. Linda had lamented that she was busy developing her career in blogging while completely allowing her love life to suffer.
Now that she had made the money, she is in need of what money cannot practically buy – a husband!
Like Linda, many of our women now have a list of requirements for their prospective husbands. Such include but not limited to: he must have a good job with sustainable income; he must at least have a good ride; he must be a graduate; he must be able to take a good care of her; he must have a tastefully-furnished apartment; he must be responsible, handsome, and Godfearing; he must not be aggressive, jealous, and unfaithful in relationship, etc.
But what I often ask – and to which no answers have yet been provided – is: what are you as a woman bringing into the relationship or marriage as it were? They are quick to slam conditions on the man while they have nothing to offer other than their body.
For a woman like Linda Ikeji, I doubt if she will have the time to be in the kitchen or offer basic house chores as a wife for obvious reasons. Let the truth be told, the only dowry Linda has to offer in marriage is her money. Nobody is saying she should marry a jobless or indigent suitor but seeing every man coming her way as a potential gold-digger is preposterous.
Marriage, like life itself, is give-and-take. Candidly, she should live with the reality that as long as she holes up in her comfort zone of luxury and ostentation, she will remain incommunicado, unreachable, and unattainable to those that genuinely desire her for marriage. For her to keep prospecting for a richer guy like Mark Zuckerberg or Bill Gate, she may have to wait till eternity.
I want to ignore Kemi Olounloyo’s insinuation that Linda will be 43 this year, as against the 37 she declared. I also want to encourage Linda to scale down her preferences; climb down from her Olympian height; and mix with people where she can find true love.
Age is counting; time also is ticking; she is not getting younger by the day. A major precaution she should take is to keep her relationship from the public glare. Razzmatazz of showbiz and pageantry associated with celebrities and their lifestyles should be done away with.
She should take a cue from movie star Richard Mofe-Damijo (RMD) who, since he married his broadcaster wife, Jumobi (Adegbesan), she has completely quit the social spotlight. Linda could apply the same protective approach for her wouldbe husband.
Doing so will facilitate marital stability, peace, and joy for her family life. Lastly, she should shelve the idea of valuing her money more than her immediate family.
Since she has attained so much to empower and fortify herself financially, she simply needs a very humble, creative, and godly man to crown her life. Any woman that can’t submit, no matter her material or financial attainments, is not a good wife material.
I do think Linda will make a good wife as she desires to surprise her traducers by proving that she is not a bad girl after all.
When Linda keeps her home successfully, the wrong perspectives of young ladies out there about men and marriage will naturally change for the positive, especially as it pertains to her numerous youthful fans that religiously follow and accept her as their ‘idol’.